I can be such a fucking scaredy cat at times. That's the downside of having a borderline personality and being an impulsive person- One time you can be a brave person that radiates nothing but confidence, and then BAM! At another time you become a tortoise hiding in its shell, so unsure of whether or not its safe to poke out its head again.
I have a weird confession to make- I used to be so appalled at the idea of going to the movies, alone. It just seemed so scary and pathetic- and can someone actually enjoy the movies and not be bugged by the tormenting crowd that's secretly judging why you're all alone? WHOA there- That's actually my anxiety speaking, lol.
Alexa, play Anxiety by Selena Gomez and Julia Michael.
But, when the times call for it, one must be brave and take desperate actions. Well in my case, its the Dumbo movie. Ok, I've written a total of four times about me not being able to watch the Dumbo movie. One was on my Instagram, the other two times I wrote in my journal and my scrapbook and the fourth would be this very entry. So, I guess that just says how very disappointed I am at missing my opportunity to watch Dumbo.
Alexa, play My Heart is Broken by Evanescence.
Dumbo was my wake-up call. I wanna watch Dumbo so fucking bad, and since I couldn't get any fuckers to watch with me, so I decided that this was it. Im gonna put on some good clothes, some lipstick and head off to the movie theater and get me those ticket, because my baby Dumbo is waiting for me. Hang on tight, baby. Im coming for you.
That was my prep talk for myself.
But when i got there, the sweet lady at the counter said that they're not playing Dumbo anymore. Please imagine my heart breaking to a thousand pieces and then the tiny pieces got smashed by Kim Kardashian's fat butt. I will leave that to your imagination.
So I got me a 7pm Avengers: Endgame movie. Either way, I had to do it, you know. I couldn't go back home with nothing. The movie was fine and enjoyable although I kept thinking about Dumbo's tears and his huge ears.
I sat next to two smelly guys with smelly jackets that emitted very strong cigarettes odor that somehow stood strong till the ending of the movie. Not to mention their constant chewing and talking. Oh yeah, the Chinese lady sitting to my right decided to doze off in the middle of the movie, and what a nice snore she produced right next to my ear.
So, was it a horrible experience?
Heck, NO! I was so proud of myself for overcoming my fear. Not only I actually landed a job as a home tutor and carried my first class well, I actually finally went to the movies, all by myself.
Though it may seem like such a silly thing to be joyous about, but hey, to me its a huge victory.
Came out of my comfort zone, and this babe likes it.
