But in case anyone's reading this...Hello to you and I hope that the day you are reading this, is actually a good day to you.
Anyway, I am kinda surprised that this is actually my first post for the year 2017, and 2017 has already began long time ago, its already the endings of April. And its a lil bit sad because I started this blog with much enthusiasm and now it seems like I only have one post per year. And I freaking love writing, so its such a shame that I went on hiatus with this blog. But I still do write, I write on my Instagram, my journal and mostly in my brain, which explains why I am easily zoned out 98% of all time.
The thing about me is, I am no rules abiding or strategy planning person, so I write like how my heart wants it and how the idea flows. I have the tendency of letting everything runs wild, and come to fix it later, if, it actually needs some fixing.
I guess, I just want to write about life, because I owe it to Life, everything I am today. And when was the last time I actually ever sat down and thank God for Life, even when Life sucks (like fucking majority of the time).
So, this post is about you, Life. I am writing at this very moment, to celebrate the complicated entity which is Life.
Right now,the Internet world is taken over by a Netflix show called '13 Reasons Why'. You literally couldn't be spared from seeing it all over your social media, hell, the last time I saw this phenomenon happening was when One Direction took over 2/3 of the world's population. We all obsessed over them, and now '13 Reasons Why' has come to rule over the planet. Just dont resist, and come aboard on the already overloaded bandwagon.
'13 Reasons Why' isnt like any other, It brings forward the issues that we, as the society, always try to bury in our backyards. It celebrates the very issues we got scared of discussing openly, often we shy away from them. I mean, are SUICIDE, RAPE, BULLYING, DEPRESSION, SEX (everything about sex..be it sexual orientations, sexual appeals and etc) topics that are comfortably discussed at a tea party?
But we have to start learning and accepting. Learn that it is happening to almost everybody, and how bad it is and how distraught a person must be to take his/her own life. We have gotta tone down on the judgement, and maybe, like one of the characters, namely Alex Standall says- We have gotta stop being dicks to each other.
Anyhow, I am not turning this post into '13 Reasons Why' review, which can abundantly be found on the Internet. I am just recording how much the show has affected me, how it has become the penknife that slashed open my heart, in the best way I know of..which is writing.
I remember when I was 15. It was the both the highest and lowest point of my life. I learned how it felt to be suicidal and so disappointed in Life. I hated God at that time. I remembered taking a walk and cursing God with all the bad vocabularies I knew and even looking up to the sky and shouting quietly (if u get the irony) in my heart that I did not wish for God anymore and I wanted to prove that I could live on my own, but of course that didnt last very long because I realized what a fool I was because everything I was at that time was only possible because of God. Like how the hell could I survived trying to live alone, when even the atmosphere or the cells in my body were gifts from God?
So I grew up, and stopped blaming God. But I found a new target instead to devote my anger, my disappointment to- ME myself.
My body, my soul, my brain and everything about me were (and sometimes till today) the new favorite dartboard for me to throw onto every resentment I have about Life. It took me years to learn to accept that this is me. I learned to accept, though bits by bits slowly, that my face will always look like this. That I cant sing, or that I have a problem with letting people in my life. That I have trust issues.
They say love is the one thing we need in life. I personally feel Faith is the better choice than Love, but whatever. I have lived the days when Love abandoned me..and its very possible to live without Love. Hell, I didnt even love me at that time. But Faith, kept me from becoming the kid that killed herself.
So, there you go Life. I may not be your strongest or most brilliant player in your game, but I am definitely staying- until the End.
